I’m not going to lie, there were times in the past two months that I wondered if we would ever get to this point where we were able to move on from our miscarriage and get to try again.
It took over five weeks for my HCG levels to get down to below 10 which would make me no longer “pregnant”. I use quotations there because honestly, the moment we saw that there was no baby in the uterus on the ultrasound, I no longer felt pregnant. I don’t mean that in a physical sense but more an emotional one. Those next five weeks were hard, like really really hard. I continued to bleed the whole time, had blood drawn multiple times a week, and continued to experience some pain. One Saturday night I finally had a breakdown. I was in a lot of pain that night (the Dr. said it was most likely due to my hormone levels finally beginning to drop), and I laid in bed crying, half from the pain and half from just wanting it all to be over with. I remember telling Mark I felt like a crazy person and just “wanted it out of me”. I was so tired of getting blood drawn and being told where my levels were at. I was completely emotionally exhausted. My levels continued to drop slowly but surely, but not before another episode of severe pain which was due to a hemorrhagic cyst that had formed. (We like to keep things exciting in this journey apparently).
We had decided once my levels were completely down, that I was going to have surgery to remove my right fallopian tube. When we first found out that tube was blocked, our doctor had told us that not only could it prevent us from getting pregnant, but it could also possibly cause issues sustaining a pregnancy because fluid can accumulate and become toxic to the embryo. My HCG was finally at 2 on January 26th, and on February 13th I underwent surgery. The doctor was able to detach and cauterize closed the right fallopian tube vs completely removing it, which he said would be easier on me. Once he was in there and could visualize the tube he said it appears this was a birth defect and that my right fallopian tube never formed correctly and therefore was never open like it should have been. He said my left tube was considered “abnormally normal” and looked like it had tried to do the same thing when it formed, but it was open which is how we have been able to get pregnant.
Now that my levels are back to normal and surgery and recovery are over with, we are ready to get things moving again with IVF. I will be starting birth control in the next few days and then injections in a few weeks. We started this journey to becoming parents two years ago this month and are hoping and praying the end is near. We appreciate any extra prayers this next month as we begin a new part. IVF is intense and can be somewhat scary, but we are excited and hopeful to be one month closer to finally having our baby or babies 😉