Mark and I celebrated our two year anniversary yesterday and it had me thinking about all the things we have went through good and bad the last two years. It also reminded me how lucky I am to have such a loving and supportive husband to go through the tough stuff with.
I think people sometimes forget that infertility affects both people in the relationship, not just the woman. Sure it’s the woman who usually has that natural desire to bare children (not all women), and it is very frustrating when your body is not doing what it was “made” to do and what all the other women around you’s bodies are doing. But, at least in my case, the man has that same desire to have children and start a family with his wife/significant other. There is no doubt in my mind that Mark wants a baby or babies just as much as I do, and sometimes I feel like I’m the one who gets all the sympathy and support when it is US that is going through this not just ME. Now, I know it’s not the norm for guys to talk about their feelings like girls, and I don’t expect Mark and his friends to sit around and talk about the latest details of our journey every time they’re together like my girlfriends and I do. I just want people to remember, and not just for Mark, but for everyone out there that may be experiencing something like this, that the man is just as invested as the woman. Yes its me that has gone through the majority of the lab work, testing, procedures, medications, etc, but I haven’t been doing it alone. I have had my husband by my side every step of the way, making sure I’m feeling ok, asking questions (sometimes funny ones), and taking time off work for appointments. He has also had to experience some things he probably never thought he would have to do before. For instance, one of our conversations the other day was me texting him asking if he wanted his appointment to give sperm to freeze before our other appointment or after. Poor guy, but he has taken it all like a champ and I couldn’t ask for him to be any better. He remains the strong and positive one for us, he lets me have my moments of sadness or anger, but then is quick to snap me out of it and remind me how blessed we already are and how he “knows” everything is going to work out.
I am very fortunate to have the husband that I do, and we are very fortunate to have the family and friends that we do. Please just remember if you know others going through this, to try be as supportive as you can to both, as the man will usually “be a man” and look like he is fine, but could probably use just as much love and support as his wife.
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